Let Me Be The Wallpaper Part 2
by sendosenpai
Summary: Usopp's mourning Shu, and Shanks only wants to help him get over him.
1. Chapter 1

Usopp stared at his computer screen. 'Jellyfish are just wet ghosts' it read. It makes sense now, Usopp thought. He recalled Shu and kuranoske's weird obsession with jellyfish. That why they're so weird! That's why they like eating people... "because they're g-g-g-ghosts?" Usopp finished the thought out loud. His hands trembled. Was this- was trains why Shu never came back to him? Was it possible that Shu... wasn't real? The realisation hit him, like a fist to his gut. It was almost like falling high from the sky. Like getting you're your heart ripped out and eaten buy your ex's boyfriend. The pain was unimaginable. Far worst than having partially digested tea on rice raining down on kunikida's ideal. Tears welled up from behind his eyes, his legs were shaking. Knees weak, nose sweety. Tonpa's spaghetti. How could he go on? How could he continue his life when the only one he'd ever truly loved was dead? He decided to visit his favourite teacher for One Piece of advice. He was nervous but on the surface he looked calm and ready. He mounted his broomstick, wishing it was something else and jerked the shaft towards professor Shanks. He landed clumsily, Shanks got it wet so he had to rub it off.

"P-p-p-professor," Usopp stuttered nervously. His heart was pounding in his chest and he wished there was someone to keep it safe for him. "Do you believe in goats?" He asked breathlessly, trembling.

"Yes" Shanks mumbled. "I also believe in your love."

Usopp's eyes widened in surprise. He knew about his and Shu's illicit relationship?

"How?" He gasped.

Shanks couldn't bear to see Usopp's lips parted in such a lewd way. Shanks licked his lips in preparation, his heart starting to hammer in his rib cage. He leant forward and palmed Usopp's check, slipping tow fingers into his mouth.

Usopp gagged in shock. "Professor what are you doing?" He mumbled around shank'd slender digits. "After killing that monster Shu yesterday I just need to do something to relax." Shanks replied ruffly. "But what about your bitch?" Usopp asked.

"Well," Shanks' voice dropped, "you'll be my bitch now won't you?" Shanks hissed into Usopp's ear. The full weight of what Shanks had just said hit him. He killed Shu? His precious boi? Revulsion hit him like a sledgehammer as he began to slap Shanks away.

Shanks was used to trying to tame a bitch. He grabbed Usopp and placed him gently on the chair. "Listen, I think we should make a contract."

Usppp was barely listening. "You killed my baby boi! My sweet boi!"

Shanks' brow furrowed in confusion. "I AM your boi" Shanks said.

Usopp was now weeping. "Shu!" He cried over and over again, pitifully.

"Shoe?" Shanks removed his own boot from his foot and placed it lovingly on Usopp's lap.

Usopp picked up the shoe and attempted to throw it at Shanks head. He missed and it skittered uselessly behind the professor.

"I gotta go." He muttered. Usopp tried to leave his seat but Shanks grabbed his wrist and held the smol boi in place.

"Usopp," he said, "will you let me fight for your love?"

"Never!" Usopp cried. "My one and only love is Shu. If you want to help, take me to his body."

"Why do you want his body? What about mine?" Shanks shouted.

"No. You're ugly in compassion to Shu. Everyone is. Even Kim kadishan. Nothing can compare to his ethereal beauty."

That was Shanks' epiphany. If Usopp only loved Shu, then Shanks must BECOME Shu.


	2. Chapter 2

"Dazai-A*.Kyoya-A*. Tamaki-D"

"I don't think you're supposed to just guess grades," said Hawkeye, taking a swig of sake.

"I can with most of my students," replied Shanks nonchalantly.

Exam results were due the next day and Shanks had left marking them to the last minute, which in hindsight had probably not been such a smart move.

"Ranpo didn't write anything.. probably forgot his glasses. Atsushi – no point in marking this, may he rest in peace. Usopp –"

"Speaking of Usopp," Hawkeye interrupted. "What has the boy so down lately? He spends all his time alone in the music room, playing tragic melodies on the triangle. Its like a beautiful serenade for a lost love."

"Sounds about right. I did have to kill his boifriend," said Shanks in an indifferent manner.

"USOPP had a boifriend?" Hawkeye was not a shallow man; he knew looks weren't everything. But Usopp didn't exactly have money, charm or personality (the things that did matter) either.

"Well it was Shu."

"The janitor." That made sense. It also made sense that Shanks killed him. Hawkeye had been thinking about killing Shu himself- slicing up the 30 year old virgin with his sharpest blade. Not for any particular reason; Shu was just one of those bastards you felt compelled to kill.

"Yeah the kid was pretty torn up about it. Can't imagine why. He could do much better. Well-" Shanks reconsidered his statement ,"Better than Shu at least. Problem is his self esteem is so low. I tried pretending I was into him so he'd realise he could possibly be desirable to better men."

"Didn't you turn him down in the previous instalment of this fanfiction?" Hawkeye asked.

"Yeah turns out he's over me. The plan now is for Shu to tell him to move on."

"The dead guy," Hawkeye rolled his eyes. "Why do you care so much? Anyone would think you actually did have a thing for him."

Shanks burst into laughter. He clutched his side and wiped away a tear as he guffawed.

"No," he said when he sobered. "I really don't."

He straightened himself and his expression, and felt he should probably explain, " He's Yasopp's son."

Yasopp and Shanks had been close friends in their university days. With their two other mates- Beckman and Roo- they'd been known as the Marauders.

"He's nothing like his father of course," Shanks continued. "But he is still my friend's flesh and blood. When I found out he was dating Shu, I tried to leave it alone but then Shu threatened my bitch so I had to dispose of him. No Haki or sword needed – a chair from the cheeseboard was enough. So I made Usopp think I wanted him – to boost his confidence of course. That didn't work so I decided I'd have to BECOME Shu and give him the closure he needs. Using Aizen's Zanpakto to create the illusion of course. But Aizen's back at the Soul Society for a few months. So I'll just have to get Bon Clay to shapeshift into Shu and do it."

. . . .

Unbeknownst to Shanks, Usopp had already fallen in love with someone new.

He sat in the Quidditch grounds, awaiting the arrival of Light Turner - his new sweetheart.

Light had said he'd first fallen for Usopp when Usopp fell off his broom in their last Quidditch match. Usopp himself had always had a crush on the dyslexic, unattractive Quidditch prodigy.

Soon after Shanks had made a move on him, Usopp realised the handsome, popular, ripped teacher had just done it to make him feel better. As if he needed the Red-Haired boyfriend-killer's help or sympathy. His anger gave him the confidence to approach Light, who'd quickly accepted his friend request on Facebook and agreed to go clubbing with him. This had led to a whirlwind romance they were still in the honeymoon period of five whole hours later. To Usopp, their love story was greater than that of Romeo and Juliet's. A relationship between an Oxbridge student and a Knottingham Trent student was taboo, unheard of, impermissible.

It was the excitement of this forbidden love, that feeling of adrenaline when they snuck out to meet each other and the sparks that flew by their every touch, that healed Usopp of his previous heartbreak.

Usopp didn't have to wait long. He was joined by his beloved in little time.

"I want to show you something," Light's hot breath in Usopp's ear gave him goose bumps.

Light pulled out a notebook from his bag. Usopp smiled, Light writing things wrong as always cute to watch. Much to his surprise however, Light had written the long nosed boi's full name with the spelling perfectly correct.

"Well done, darling," said Usopp encouragingly.

Light started to laugh, "You fool! You're so desperate for love, you don't even realise when it's a lie. I never loved you. I only pretended to love you so your expression would be all the more delightful when I kill you. You see, I recently gave half my life span in exchange for the Shinigami eyes. Reading a name wrong and then writing it down wrong makes the written name right as of course two wrongs make a right. You are the first person I tested my newfound power on. And my next target .. is Tonpa."

As Usopp's heart stopped beating and his eyes closed, all he could think was, "If I become a ghost, will I too be a jellyfish?"


End file.
